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So when they say ain’t no rest for the wicked, I’m pretty sure they are talking about my daughter at bedtime. I don’t know if you have been blessed with perfect little sleeping angels, but me, I was not. I have many, many blessings but good sleepers is surely not one of them. I spent nearly 2 hours sitting in my daughter’s room last night waiting for her to fall asleep in her bed. Last night I was a mean mommy who wouldn’t lay in bed with her, rub her back or sing to her, I just sat there in her chair. Some nights I’m just done. I just want the peace of going to the bathroom without someone knocking on the door looking for me. I want to sit down on the couch without immediately being asked to get back up to warm up someone’s apple juice. It’s like they lay in wait for just the right moment, like a predator watching their prey. As soon as I leave the kitchen and my booty hits that couch the baby wolf strikes with its request. (my daughter has actually always liked wolves, she often refers to herself as baby wolf). I know a lot of your probably will wag your finger at me and say I did it to myself, and you know what? You are so right. I can’t stand to hear my daughter crying for me when she is alone. I have allowed her for 5 years to get away with someone needing to sit with her until she falls asleep at night. It drives me mad some nights when she won’t go the heck to sleep. And oh! I complain about it! But a lot of nights I lay there in bed with her and I think my heart might just explode with love. I feel her warm soft body pressed up against me. I listen to her soft slow breathing and it is truly the most wonderful sound. Knowing my baby is safely snuggled up next to me, a living breathing little miracle. I would do anything for my kids. Next time you are close to your child take notice of their smell. It’s honestly one of the most amazing scents, I don’t know if its biology or Aussie Kids Shampoo but I can’t get enough of this girls’ smell! I’ll give you a moment to go sniff…

Back now? Ok

I guess most nights I don’t mind laying there waiting for her to fall asleep in my arms. I think about how the moments of motherhood are so fleeting. I feel like she was just a newborn cradled in my arms and now my last baby is a precocious little Kindergartener. I will never again feel the kick of a baby in my tummy, or feel a nursing baby at my breast. I’ll neve have a baby in diapers again… actually I’m totally fine with that part. I’ve seen all my babies, first steps and heard their first words. I’ve been blessed with smart, healthy babies. And maybe I’ve moved past being in the trenches of newborn-hood and the destruction of toddlerhood, but I’ve really enjoyed each step along the way. As I write this, I can hear the laughter of all three of my kids upstairs playing a game together. It’s one of the sweetest sounds and it makes my heart skip a beat. I guess even though motherhood gets tough and annoying and I feel completely smothered sometimes by my kids always wanting to be with me, I should take it as the greatest compliment. They think I’m so awesome that they can’t stand to be without me for even ONE second! I mean nothing for nothing but my husband doesn’t even feel that way about me. So, while my kids still like me and they actually think hanging out with me is cool, I’m going to keep sitting with my baby girl as she falls asleep at night. Because I make her feel safe, and loved, and like all is right in this crazy world, and you know what? That’s a pretty amazing thing to be able to give somebody.

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked….Bedtime Blues

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